Horrors of Young Adulthood
Being 21 so far has been amazingly interesting. I finally reached the goal I've been thirstily waiting for since I was 15! I can drink! I can go to bars! I can buy cigarettes! Well.. legally that is. I have my dream car, a stable job, and I come and go as I please. If I want to go get wasted right now, I could, and no one could stop me. Isn’t that strange? Just a few hours dictated whether I could buy a drink. At 9 pm the day before my birthday, it was an absolute shot in the dark. Once midnight struck? Lord, the world was literally mine. I could buy whatever I wanted, go wherever I wanted.
Although I have all the freedom, I don’t quite look how I want to right now, but 15 year old me would die if she saw me. I have the bedroom and apartment of my dreams. Wonderful belongings I worked hard for. Even then, something is still…. missing. Well, not missing but definitely not where it should be! I love my life and all I experience and have the privilege of doing in a day, but I feel like I should be lightyears closer to something better, something more. I swore I'd be married with a 3 year old by the time I'm 25. That’s 4 years away. F-O-U-R YEARS AWAY. The goal is to be in a stable relationship for 3 years before marriage, but I want the 3 year old to be 3 already by 25… I'm afraid the math is not adding up. I'm afraid I'm a few months behind.. perhaps a few years.. Oh, and my master's degree, I’m supposed to have by 25? I still haven't enrolled in any college classes this semester, well, ever for that matter.
Trying to enjoy your 20s when you feel like you’re running out of time has become detrimental to so many young people. Social media and comparison have personally done a number on me. Seeing all my friends from junior high getting engaged and looking happy as ever. Seeing a 19 year old graduate from community college. And somehow someone unemployed I know is on a trip to Miami while I’m spending my last $20 a quarter tank of gas. Boy, what am I doing wrong? Though life looks glamorous and I'm overly jealous of the life they have, it came with pain, and work— hard work. The 19 year old did dual enrollment, had twice the workload in highschool dedicating their teenage years to becoming an academic weapon. The unemployed friend in Miami is probably spoiled because their parents worked hard to give them the life they wish they had in their 20s. The support they needed to become an adult in a world that doesn’t wait until you're ready. Once it begins, it begins.
So when does mine?
If I want to go to college and be focused enough to succeed, I have to quit my job. If I quit my job, I can't afford my car or my bills. And I’m looking for love on top of it? I should just give up and be a barista again until it’s all over, and give up on finding the one.
Maybe I found the one already, and it’s the right person and HORRENDOUS timing. Maybe it’s not so bad being young and having my dream car for a little bit and returning it for something more realistic for my day to day. Maybe it isn’t so bad to quit my job and focus on school for a short period of time. Your 20s should be fun, about messing up and making mistakes. You are LEARNING to be an adult. Even by 25, you’ve only been on your own in this world as a full-grown adult with 0 limitations for 4 years.
Having complete control of your life before 30 is an unrealistic expectation, and it’s okay to feel behind. Life is unkind and unforgiving. Have grace with yourself in your early 20s. Some people's lives don’t begin to see success until they’re 30. Your life is yours. There are so many jobs to try, hobbies to discover. Rediscover everything you loved to do as a child or teenager! Go back outside and ride your bike. Pick up your sketchbook and start drawing again. Learn to sew or crochet. Put down that phone and read a book that inspires you to find out who you are or to start a movement. Do what you can, live how you want. Live for you, and nobody else. You have so much time to even begin to feel like you’re running out of it.
